Bicycle and those cycles...

My innermost thought is simply simple:

me and you together.
All those frictions, conflicts and distractions...they are only pollutants!

Scare us never.

If life is about cycle, I wanna be on top on the hill and never going down.
Yet, it's harder than going down, but just to be on top with you is my total affection.
If we ever have to go down, let's just climb up and ride the steep together!

...and please dear God... separate us never.

Now, listen to me...
If life is about riding a bicycle...I only wanna ride it with you...whatsoever.
exploring this tasty life and riding the tasty bicycle...

just me and you...forever.

Weekend's Melancholy

S...look at that building in Marienplatz...
It supposed to look like this:

But it has never been the same again...without you...

too much is not good...

but every thing about you has always been too much...

and I still hadn't had enough!

of you...

SSSSo long...farewell...

Honey, it's 2AM at night and so cold outside

First of all, I want to congratulate you for making a girl who love you so much cry.

She even dare to burst into tears suffering for you...

No, she wasn't offended with your emails, nor care about mass email...

If she wanted to be pissed off...then she would be pissed since long time ago...

For your not returning 'goodnite', 'have a nice weekend', 'have a great day', 'how are you' SMS...

For your ignorance in Skype...

For your no reaction when she's apologizing...

For you to say 'no...you don't miss me...how could you missed me if you don't know me'...

For your leave and saying 'we should not see each other again' when she's on her lowest low...

and many more...

yes It's her bad...

She should have realized that you...

don't need attention from her SMSs

talk to too many friends in Skype

do not care if she felt guilty

do not care that she really missed you

think that what's important is only your feeling, not hers...

It's just because

Today's email from you was like a sign for her...

on how she's no longer special for you...

that she's just that every other student that you sent mass email to...

that it's just a waste loving someone who hurt her constantly and continuously...

that her patience do have limitation,

that her heart needs respect and appreciation...

do what you have to do,

say what you have to say,

but She loves her more than she loves you...

and that you have always hurt her on purpose or not,

it does hurt her

and she hopes someday you'll realize it...

but today...She believes...She has to let you go, to cure her hurting heart...

so today...She decided to re-erase you again...because you give her only pain...

goodnite...and go

Ssssssuddenly

Here is the thing...

You came suddenly, and again...suddenly you have gone away

and here is another thing,

I suddenly cared about you so much, and again suddenly you lost the feeling

and another thing is,

I declared suddenly that I loved you, and again suddenly I meant that...

and you...please remember this thing...

I wish that I would suddenly distract your mind to give love another chance

and suddenly...I pray...and ask...and let go

manifesting you again....suddenly...

Hmmhhh....

Nothing....

just missing you so bad...

I wonder,
did I even show up on your mind?

Even for a tasty second?

i don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

for you...

some one that I can't go a day without thinking about!

yet, I will never give up on you...

and especially for N.N (whose name doesn't want to be mentioned...) thank you for singing with me. You have the greatest sexy tasty voice...

I am....

sitting here and waiting with the snow...so that you sit there with me,

because...

the bench is for two,

me and you...

and

so....

I walk again....and keep on waiting...

yet hoping...

that you will somehow re-appear...

I miss you,

with all the moments...

and the way you make me feel...

Do you even remember... sitting there with me?

right on that stair...

off course without the snow...

because that was,

in summer...

dearest you...

I wish I could sit together again,

with you...

maybe in that very big chair...

talking about being so big...

together...

What happened to us during those days...

For me, it was marvelous and I treasured every second I had with you. And yet, even it would sound really yuckie... but I was really extremely happy with you.

But then again, I was wrong. Because I wasn't actually ready for any form of relationship at that moment. Believe it or not, but what happened to me previously (before I met you) had been a big mistake and I really need time to heal, and by the time I was fixing my self, you came along...

My mistake was, I took things too fast. I really didn't want to loose you, because I was too afraid that I would loose my happiness. Because you're the one that made me happy back then (and now still ;) ). But actually I had not yet fixed my self from the past...I was actually not ready to be with you at that time.

The thing was, I didn't want to loose you, but I didn't know what I have to do. I don't know how to please you, but at the same time you made me happy with just being you. But me... I was too busy figuring out how to please you, that sometimes I just tried too hard not to be myself. I was too afraid that just being me was not right, and will never please you. So I was trying too hard to please you...and now I realized (actually not just now...but some times ago)... I'd been a total dumb ass.

I remember every word you said that day, when you told me that we should not see each other again. Yes, I hated you so much that day...and a few days after. As I mentioned before...I erased everything about you. Because I just don't want to know you again. Ever again! And I never took the normal door and always took the other door so that I didn't get to see your name at the door and I didn't have to pass by your working station. Ok...Silly me...whatever...

And then I went back to Indonesia, back home. I was talking to many friends and family (not about you and me..but only about me). And I just realize all of the sudden, that I still have to fix my self, because I am totally unstable and I don't even know what I wanted. And I started to think about what I did to you and put you onto those whole situation and everything. I just realize...that I was the one who put you into uncomfortable situation and I should not hate you for what you did. So then I just do what you wanted us to be... 'not seeing each other again' and even at that point I really wanted to see you, I didn't try to reach you, because you probably just don't want to see me again...but I really did want to see you, just to know how you're doing... but I don't know why I've just never seen you. I started to take the normal door again...but still...no you around...

And then I got a chance to see you. And I really wanted to say sorry, but I don't know when is the right time. But my feeling tell me that I owe you an apologize because it's just the right thing to do, so I just wanted to say sorry for everything that had happened those days. And yet you said that it's not about me, but I guess i shared my mistake there. So...I apologize. I am sorry.

there I said it... Everything I had to say. I am now moving on...

ps. I never regret what happened to us those days. You will still be one of the best part of my life that I treasure...

MANifesting

What type of men would attract you? For me, I don't really have a type of men. But if I ever found anyone that happened to appear like these:

Patrick Dempsey

Bradley Cooper

Milo Ventimiglia

How would I resist the charm? Wait, look at them...I think they look somehow typical. Yea, I probably do have a type. Because I am now MANifesting my soulmate to come to my tasty life. Look at how we look great together...

Johny Depp